You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.
Quote by Greg Giraldo:
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Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.
Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign? Know what sign? 'For Sale.'
My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating; it was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.
Tip to out-of-town visitors: If you buy something here in New York and want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk tells you they don't need your name and address.
I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.