My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"
Quote by Buddy Hackett:
Quotes by other comedians
I’ll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?
I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away." The next day, the man says, "Did you do what I told you to?" "Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!"
For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant, and no matter what you order off that menu, you walk out of there going, 'Damn, that was good!'