Quotes & Jokes about Wife

61 quotes

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Yes, I’m married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven’t even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to us both.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

Well, my wife assassinated my sexual identity, and my children are eating my dreams. We don't bother you with that. We just say "Great."

I asked my wife to try anal sex. She said, "Sure. You first."

My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

My wife has cut me down to once a month, I'm lucky I know two guys she cut off completely.

Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties... welcome to my world.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.

My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.