Quotes & Jokes about Wife

61 quotes

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.

I asked my wife to try anal sex. She said, "Sure. You first."

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Well, my wife assassinated my sexual identity, and my children are eating my dreams. We don't bother you with that. We just say "Great."

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties... welcome to my world.

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.

I have a wife back in LA who is so pissed at me... yeah, she’s so mad I’m sleeping with her husband.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

It sure is a beautiful day. Know why? My wife walked out on me. Isn't that nice? I'm so glad the bitch is gone.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.

Yes, I’m married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven’t even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to us both.

I don't have to "freedom-kiss" my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.