Quotes & Jokes about Wife

61 quotes

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Yes, I’m married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven’t even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to us both.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

Well, my wife assassinated my sexual identity, and my children are eating my dreams. We don't bother you with that. We just say "Great."

I asked my wife to try anal sex. She said, "Sure. You first."

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties... welcome to my world.

Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!

My wife has cut me down to once a month, I'm lucky I know two guys she cut off completely.

My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"