Quotes & Jokes about Wife

61 quotes

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Yes, I’m married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven’t even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to us both.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I asked my wife to try anal sex. She said, "Sure. You first."

Well, my wife assassinated my sexual identity, and my children are eating my dreams. We don't bother you with that. We just say "Great."

Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!

My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties... welcome to my world.

My wife has cut me down to once a month, I'm lucky I know two guys she cut off completely.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.