They strip search you in jail. Dudes sit in the booth and looks up my ass. Right away I’m thinking, "What in the world am I going to put up my ass that I'm gonna use again?" Like I’m supposed to get inside. "All right. Who wants gum?"
Quote by Damon Wayans:
Quotes by other comedians
Norm is such a horrible gambler, he bet Jon Lovitz would be funny tonight.
Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.
The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons. There's a couple of shows like that, The Simpsons is another one, smart people and stupid people love The Simpsons for totally different reasons; that's why it's a big hit, everybody's either smart or stupid so a lot of people watch it. Our show, smart people and stupid people love it for different reasons and early on in my career I made a commitment to myself; I refuse to cater to stupid people. What we do on the air is just try to be funny and hope that the smart people listen more than the dumb people.
I wish they would just call the news: What's Wrong. 'Hi, it's six o'clock, here's What's Wrong. Now for the local news, here's the worst shit that happened the closest to you.'
Last time I was out here was not too long after 9/11, and you could not drive a car to the airport at that time. That was one of the first safety precautions: only taxis could go to the airport. Because, really, what better way of stemming the flow of Muslims to the airport than only allowing taxis?