Quotes & Jokes about Jail

28 quotes

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

How do you think jail was?! I got face raped by a woman... and I think I may have liked it.

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

I had a friend whose gotten so many DUIs that he had to go to jail for a year. Now, his only concern was getting raped. For the entire year, he didn't take a shower.

Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what's not natural? Eighty-year-old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural. But we got pills for that. We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

I found out one of my old partners, Larry, is in jail now. Larry got 25 years for something he didn't do. He didn't run fast enough.

I’m in jail... and I realize I am blond... I have a tan... I wear white pants... I’m a very pretty man...

I can’t go to jail, not with his soft skin and these boyish good looks. I’ll be snapped up before the first lights out!

Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.

There better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'.

I was watchin' the news the other day, and I heard them talking about a criminal named Brian Regan same spelling and everything. He's gonna be in jail for the rest of his life. So I'm sitting there doing a crossword puzzle and all of a sudden I hear, "It is unknown whether the charges against Brian Regan will lead to his execution." "Guess I can put this down. Honey, did we pay that parking ticket?!"

Rush Limbaugh, who has made a career preaching that anybody who does drugs has got to go right to jail - do not pass go, no questions asked, right to jail - gets caught doing thirty oxycontin a day. Thirty oxycontin?! Do you have any idea how high that is?! I don't, and I've been pretty high!

Every time the Russians throw an American in jail, the Committee throws an American in jail to get even.

When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine - this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.