Quotes & Jokes about Jail

28 quotes

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

I had a friend whose gotten so many DUIs that he had to go to jail for a year. Now, his only concern was getting raped. For the entire year, he didn't take a shower.

I’m in jail... and I realize I am blond... I have a tan... I wear white pants... I’m a very pretty man...

How do you think jail was?! I got face raped by a woman... and I think I may have liked it.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

Why is marijuana not legal? It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what's not natural? Eighty-year-old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural. But we got pills for that. We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?

They pulled out that dress, man - they scared him, they scared him. That little dress with the DNA - he lost it; he gave up the lie. But my thing is, who's going to believe a woman who keeps a nasty dress? They ought to toss that right out of court: 'Excuse me, your honor, she kept the dress.' 'What? Case dismissed - and get your nasty ass out of my court room. I should throw you in jail just for being nasty, Miss Nasty Ass.'

I was watchin' the news the other day, and I heard them talking about a criminal named Brian Regan same spelling and everything. He's gonna be in jail for the rest of his life. So I'm sitting there doing a crossword puzzle and all of a sudden I hear, "It is unknown whether the charges against Brian Regan will lead to his execution." "Guess I can put this down. Honey, did we pay that parking ticket?!"

There better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'.

I can’t go to jail, not with his soft skin and these boyish good looks. I’ll be snapped up before the first lights out!

Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.

Every time the Russians throw an American in jail, the Committee throws an American in jail to get even.

I found out one of my old partners, Larry, is in jail now. Larry got 25 years for something he didn't do. He didn't run fast enough.