What do you do when you get caught masturbating? Well, here's a little tip. First, look surprised. And don't worry, you will be surprised. And then say this: "Quick get some help! My hand and my penis are fighting!"
Quote by Dave Attell:
Quotes by other comedians
Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.
As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?