Quote by Dave Attell:


What do you do when you get caught masturbating? Well, here's a little tip. First, look surprised. And don't worry, you will be surprised. And then say this: "Quick get some help! My hand and my penis are fighting!"

Comedian
Short bio
David Attell is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He is best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell, which earned him a cult following. Fellow comics Patton Oswalt and Bill Burr have hailed him as the greatest off-color comedian alive.

All quotes by Dave Attell

Quotes by other comedians

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?