I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
Quote by Dave Attell:
Quotes by other comedians
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
I think it started when she said she's happier without me. I can't really blame her 'cause I'm happier without me!
No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.
Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn’t hold.
I think maybe my four-year-old has come up with a new metaphor. We don’t want “everything out of life,” we want “everything and a kite”!