Quote by Dave Attell:

I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

Comedian
Short bio
David Attell is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He is best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell, which earned him a cult following. Fellow comics Patton Oswalt and Bill Burr have hailed him as the greatest off-color comedian alive.

All quotes by Dave Attell

Quotes by other comedians

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

I think it started when she said she's happier without me. I can't really blame her 'cause I'm happier without me!

No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.

Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn’t hold.

I think maybe my four-year-old has come up with a new metaphor. We don’t want “everything out of life,” we want “everything and a kite”!