Quote by David Letterman:


They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Comedian
Short bio
David Michael Letterman is an American television host, comedian, writer, and producer. He hosted late night television talk shows for 33 years, beginning with the February 1, 1982, debut of Late Night with David Letterman on NBC, and ending with the May 20, 2015, broadcast of Late Show with David Letterman on CBS.

All quotes by David Letterman

Quotes by other comedians

I'll get God his money when I see him. And if he asked me why I was holding onto it, I say, 'Well, there's a lot of false prophets on Earth. I didn't know who to give your money to, and I didn't want to give it to the wrong person and still owe you when I got up here. Ain't no sense in paying if I didn't make the list, 'cause I'm gonna need that money for cold water and an air conditioner.'

I've had, what, two years? Probably five good years. Before that I had twenty years of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction and poverty. All those things. That'll always outweigh the good times.

You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?