Quotes & Jokes about Immigration

17 quotes

I have no problem with illegal immigration in this country, except for the fact that they don't serve on jury duty. That's horse shit. It should be the other way around - they should serve exclusively on jury duty. Then it finally would be a jury of one's own peers. It's not a stereotype if it's always true; then it becomes law.

America - 20 million illegal immigrants can't be wrong!

Fucking immigrants, all started with that Einstein... Once they brought him over from Germany and we didn't have any good genius jobs, it was a trickle-down effect.

My parents are immigrants. Came here with no money. Not this welfare thing. Welfare’s luxury… They came to the airport naked. “Can we get on the plane? I don’t want to show you where my passport is.”

If the immigration bill doesn't go through it is okay because we'll still go through.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Well, everyone, welcome to Shark Week. Oh that's on CBS and there's been a lot of cutbacks, so it's just Friday night for a couple of minutes. And we don't have any sharks, just an immigrant with a puppet. Hey, but it's a start!

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.

I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.

I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English - I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.

Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.

Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

Immigrants have been coming here for a long time. The Americans that are afraid of others coming were immigrants once themselves, so they have a lot of nerve. We have a lot of nerve as a country. The only people that should have xenophobia are Native Americans. Everyone else should shut up.