Quote by Dom Irrera:

You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. "Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I have no idea how this kid finds a door to get out of the house in the morning. If I were you, I would waste him and start over. Now, I say that with all due respect."

Comedian
Short bio
Domenick Jack "Dom" Irrera is an American stand-up comedian. Much of his material is in the form of stories about his life, especially his childhood years and growing up in an Italian-American family.

All quotes by Dom Irrera

Quotes by other comedians

I'm pretty sure 100% of animal sex is rape. It's just all rape.

All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on the front lawn.

The only normal people are the ones you don't know too well.

Moshe Dayan, who donated his eye to CBS. Never got a dinner!

I write raps so sometimes I will write them in my iPhone. So I was writing the n-word in my iPhone and my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean niggardly?' And I was like, 'No iPhone. I meant nigger; write it.' But then, two weeks later, I was writing Jigga - which is the shortened form of Jay-Z. And my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean nigger?' And I went, 'Whoa, iPhone. You do not get to say that.'