Quote by Dom Irrera:

My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, "Dom, I think that waitress knows me." "What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly came in four steps ahead of you?"

Comedian
Short bio
Domenick Jack "Dom" Irrera is an American stand-up comedian. Much of his material is in the form of stories about his life, especially his childhood years and growing up in an Italian-American family.

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I think you know you're close to somebody if you can walk out of the bathroom and go, 'You don't want to go in there for a while.'

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

I was always the class clown, although many teachers view the class clown as a trouble maker. But I always had good grades, so the only thing my parents were told was that while I was intelligent, I talked too much.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.