My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, "Dom, I think that waitress knows me." "What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly came in four steps ahead of you?"
Quote by Dom Irrera:
Popular quotes by other comedians
You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Remember that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit!"
I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!