My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, "Dom, I think that waitress knows me." "What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly came in four steps ahead of you?"
Quote by Dom Irrera:
Quotes by other comedians
I think you know you're close to somebody if you can walk out of the bathroom and go, 'You don't want to go in there for a while.'
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
I was always the class clown, although many teachers view the class clown as a trouble maker. But I always had good grades, so the only thing my parents were told was that while I was intelligent, I talked too much.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.