Quote by Eddie Izzard:


Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran."

Comedian
Short bio
Edward John Izzard is an English stand-up comic, actor, writer, and political activist. His comedic style takes the form of rambling whimsical monologues and self-referential pantomime.

All quotes by Eddie Izzard

Quotes by other comedians

What? … The Carthaginians are attacking? God, I knew they'd do that. What? … They are attacking over the Alps? Damn, I knew they'd do that. What? … They're coming on elephants? … Where'd they get the elephants? There aren't any elephants in Europe. This I got to see … are you sure? … It's not just a typo mistake? Perhaps the Carthaginians are attacking over the Alps and they are in their element? Kind of upbeat, you know. They're coming on fucking elephants, huh.

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

All of your life you were crazy about cars, I guess that's why you turned out to be such a crank.