I went to my doctor and told him, "My penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking about it."
Quote by Garry Shandling:
Quotes by other comedians
The media tells me what I find attractive in a woman? I think my dick tells me what I find attractive in a woman.
I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.
It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!'
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.