People don't let politicians kiss your babies. Those lips have been on lobbyist asses for years now.
Quote by George Wallace:
Quotes by other comedians
Would I go to see a pediatrist or a proctologist to remove a foot from my ass?
I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my payoff. I'm not interested in other people thinking differently. I don't care. I'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a fuck. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives".
I'm looking forward to yesterday.
John Wilkes Booth, who said, "Sorry, I thought he was a critic." Never got a dinner!
I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.