I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.
Quote by Jack Benny:
Quotes by other comedians
Moses, who said to the Israelites, "Stop calling me Charlton!" Never got a dinner!
Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.
The status quo sucks.
Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
Carrot Top will be doing a show about the history of ancient trunks. Gallagher will be smashing ancient fruit.