I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me!
Quote by Jerry Seinfeld:
Quotes by other comedians
I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
That's where the money is, on the road.
If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there’d be a lot less cello music, for example.
Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.