Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Quote by Johnny Carson:
Quotes by other comedians
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
Several weeks ago, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared without explanation for five days. Now of course, as it turns out, he didn't really disappear. It turns out he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Which is a trail that starts in Maine and ends in an Argentine woman's vagina.
It’s hard to know what’s gay in life. Boxing. That’s two men fighting over a belt.
I'm slower and some days are better than others, but I'm a fighter.
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.