Quote by Kevin Pollak:

If we do have any iPhone users out there, I have incredibly great news for you. I've developed after about six months and finally perfected and it'll be out on the market soon, an app that you'll all want. It allows you to make a phone call.

Comedian
Short bio
Kevin Elliot Pollak is an American actor, impressionist, and comedian. He has appeared in over 80 films; his roles include Sam Weinberg in the legal film A Few Good Men, Jacob Goldman in Grumpy Old Men and its sequel Grumpier Old Men; Todd Hockney in The Usual Suspects, Philip Green in Casino, and Bobby Chicago in End of Days.

All quotes by Kevin Pollak

Quotes by other comedians

A black man failing black history... ain't that some sad shit..... cuz you know, fat people don't fail cooking!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

I'll get God his money when I see him. And if he asked me why I was holding onto it, I say, 'Well, there's a lot of false prophets on Earth. I didn't know who to give your money to, and I didn't want to give it to the wrong person and still owe you when I got up here. Ain't no sense in paying if I didn't make the list, 'cause I'm gonna need that money for cold water and an air conditioner.'

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Wow! You're a genius. You're like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.