Quote by Paul Rodriguez:

It's like a dream coming true. So when you actually accomplish it, you almost don't know how to react. You imagined you'd run up and down the street screaming, but you're just stunned instead. Like, 'Is this real?'

Comedian

Quotes by other comedians

59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.

If you encounter someone who pronounces the "t" in "often", odds are they're a douchebag.

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.

I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.