My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up.
Quote by Phyllis Diller:
Quotes by other comedians
You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? "Uh huh." Dinosaurs. You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point.
We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.
I've arrived at the place if I'm not taking a career risk, I'm not happy. If I'm scared, then I know I'm being challenged.
Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.