Quotes & Jokes about Husband
Who wants to blow their husband? You want to blow a guy that you've been dating. And he's mysterious and you suck his cock and go home. Who wants to blow a guy and then go to IKEA with him all day?
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say "Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha."
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up.
Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn’t keep him awake – even when it’s hot and being spilled on him.
I think it's a really selfish thing, especially if your guy isn't making a lot of money, to make him go out and blow money on a shiny fucking rock that was dug out of the ground by a fucking 8 year old. Ya know? Just because you're not mature enough as an adult to walk up to all your other girlfriends with your engagement ring and letting it be something other than a diamond or at the very least letting it be a diamond that your future husband can afford.
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, "Stop needling me." Never got a dinner!
I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.
Calling Angelina Jolie a husband stealer is like calling Hitler a vegetarian. It’s true, but it’s hardly the fuckin’ story, is it?
I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.
I can’t keep referring to basketball players as Khloe Kardashian’s husband and his friends.
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.