My twin boys are two and they’re cute… but when they become adults, the danger of identical twins, I hope they’re handsome. Because if they’re even slightly ugly, there’s two of those. You notice that. If you see one slightly ugly man walk across the room that’s no big deal. But if you see the same ugliness right behind him. “Hey! Look at that… I didn’t think he was that ugly until I saw it again.”
Quote by Ray Romano:
Quotes by other comedians
I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do.
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
The thing is, whenever I see Hillary Clinton, I feel like I have to vote for her. She makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should vote for her so that she'll feel better about herself because she'd been in such a bad marriage.
Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.