Quote by Richard Jeni:

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Comedian
Short bio
Richard John Colangelo, better known by the stage name of Richard Jeni, was an American stand-up comedian and actor.

All quotes by Richard Jeni

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Health clubs aren't healthy. In New York City, which has the most stairs of anywhere in the country, people pay money to go to a health club and use a stair master. When you live in a city, that has nothing but stairs and you pay money to use special stairs, that is not healthy behavior. It's fucking psychotic!

I could've enjoyed a cigarette if I smoked back before everyone knew it was bad - say, like, 1923. Everybody smoked back then. There was no medical information against it; they had no idea - it was a paradise. It was a smoker's paradise: 'They're taking my lung out next week. I don't know why. Doctor thinks maybe I'm brushing my teeth too often, but I can't help it because, for some reason, my breath smells like I licked a monkey's ass.'

Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.

Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli.

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate.