The government scares me. They're taking my picture at the stop sign. They're looking through my shoes at the airport. They're worried about gay people getting married, locking up potheads, having congressional investigations because of Janet Jackson's tit. You're better off committing murder or rape because those things you can get away with.
Quote by Richard Jeni:
Quotes by other comedians
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don’t even know I’m saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she’s like, "Oh, I love your show." And I’m like, "You can’t love my show if you can hear."
You might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap on a car that does run.
Its too hot for a penguin out here come here mister penguin.
There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling.
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade, you might be a redneck.