If I stop complaining I'll have nothing to compain about.
Quote by Richard Lewis:
Quotes by other comedians
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.
Items I noticed on a recent cross-country tour: Ad in a Louisville newspaper: “for sale cheap - my son's collection of bebop and rock and roll records. If a 14-year-old's voice answers the phone, hang up and call later”. A sign on a runway at the Great Lakes naval station: “Absolutely no flying permitted over nudist camp 6.4 miles SSW on a true course of 167 degrees.” Item in an Indianapolis newspaper: “Miss Jan Carr was overcome by gas while taking a bath. She owes her life to the watchfulness of the janitor in her apartment.” Ad in classified column of a University of Cincinnati medical journal: “Will the person who stole the jar of alcohol from Room 303 kindly return my uncle's appendix? No questions asked.”
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes right to the fucking bone.