What is it with the animals with the bikes? I took my daughter to the circus. She said: "Daddy, how do they teach a bear how to ride a bike?" I said: It's easy, they nail his feet to the pedals and they beat the shit out of him. He's not riding, he's running. He just happens to be attached to the bike.
Quote by Robert Schimmel:
Quotes by other comedians
There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.
You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you’re ready to have a baby.
It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.
After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I've never been better doing what I do.