Quotes & Jokes by Myq Kaplan

I read comic books but I don’t believe in them. Like if somebody said to me, “Hey Myq, who would win in a fight, Thor or Superman?” I’d say, “I don’t know who would would win that fight my friendless friend. But I do know who would win in a fight between you and anyone you went to high school with.”

I’m Jewish. I’m not Uber-Jewish. Like I will use German to describe how Jewish I am.

Fifty percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. Fifty percent. That’s one out of every two people. So it’s either going to be you or your wife.