Quotes & Jokes by Rhod Gilbert
In the Bible, God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. That's a pretty good summer for us in Wales. That's a hosepipe ban waiting to happen. I was eight before I realised you could take a kagoule off
When I was in prison I played football for the stalkers. When one of us would go for the ball, we’d all go. There was no one looking for space.
We have al fresco dining in Cardiff now. Who's idea was that?! My soup's filling up quicker than I can eat it. "Who wanted coffee? Ah yes sir, well here it is. Don't worry I'll get you another one!"
I flew to Ireland once... I’m Welsh I brought shorts, t shirts, sunglasses, they don’t even sell them in Wales I had to go to Bristol to buy them!
A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.
I tried to buy bedding not so long ago... has anybody here tried to buy a duvet? Did you come up against the old tog rating system? It’s like coming up against the Spanish Inquisition.
I had to move in with my girlfriend... It was very successful and we lived very happily in domestic bliss and harmony... for 13 days.
Last year I punched a shop assistant over the duvet tog-rating system and went berserk over a mince pie. I am stung by accusations that I over-react.
If I could go back to any decade it wouldn’t be the 80s, it would be the 70s. See we didn’t have all those computer games in the 70s, we had real games. Do you remember mouse trap? (audience cheers). Yeah, we didn’t have that...