Quotes & Jokes by Tommy Johnagin

My dad’s a gun collector… He tells me all of them for protection. Then he told me one of them shoots 400 yards. I don’t know a lot about the laws of self defense, but you’re gonna need a good lawyer if you pick someone off a quarter mile away from you.

We had a pregnancy scare… about eight months into the relationship. Well, she had a pregnancy scare. I had a leave-the-state scare. It’s different.

Get to go to a bachelor party. We went to a strip club…. Really unqualified stripper came out. Ugly… She comes out, she goes “Hey cutie, what do you want me to take off next?” I go, “My glasses.”