Bruce Bruce

Quotes

I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that.

You're taught as a child, when an old person says something to you, you don't talk back. But now I am an adult, I let their ass have it, you hear me? I'm in church Sunday; I spot this old lady. I said, 'Hey ma'am, how you doing?' She said, 'Hey baby, how big you goin' get?' I said, 'How old you goin' get?' She got mad, 'You fat ass,' 'You old bitch - we're in church now!'

What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? I'm gonna let y'all know right now before I start, I'm stupid for real. OK? This is not an act. This is the way I act, alright, so don't think I'm pretending.

I’d like to help other comedians and when I get a little older I’d like to open up a nice comedy club that is straight classy, with a straight restaurant and a chef. The whole thing, red carpet, and treating people nice, for people to come back and have a good time. That’s the kind of comedy club I want to open up.

White person write you a check, you can take it to the bank in the morning. Brother write you a check, he's gonna postdate it next Friday, look you straight in the eye and say, 'If you go in there Thursday, the money won't be there.'

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