Chic Murray

Quotes

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

There’s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

We’ve got stained glass windows in our house; it’s those damned pigeons.

If something’s neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

All quotes and jokes