Lee Evans

Quotes

We got completely lost driving in, and we asked the way, yeah, why is it that when you ask for directions you always get the village-fucking-idiot!

I slept really well last night, I slept like a baby: I pissed the bed four times... and woke up crying five.

I tried water polo and my horse drowned... that was a nightmare.

Have you noticed every time there's a murderer on the loose they have that advert pop up from B&Q - "this week, hatchets, half price!"

My phone will ring at two in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?" I don't fucking know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!

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