Quotes & Jokes by Chris Hardwick / page 4

This was in the 80's, when you couldn't just take a pill the next day to Control + Z that shit.

I get stressed out hearing Lindsey Buckingham talk about those days cause what I'm thinking... I don't know how he can't go 'And that's right before Mick Fleetwood fucked my girlfriend.

Hang out with the worst people imaginable while they’re all in “fuck it!” mode - Vegas!

Mainstream culture is like your mom: It’s always a little late to catch on and gets easily confused by technology, but it means well.

I couldn't do sports and so in my head I was like, 'Ladies will see my hand to hand dexterity and they will want these hands inside them.' First of all, flawed, you're juggling balls.

You don’t have to go from zero to… the Dos Equis guy. You can take smaller steps.

Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.

I have the greatest respect for your culture; I think you guys do it properly. You have your three or four kids and then you slow down so you can enjoy your late teens.

You don't have to believe everything you think.

When I was in grade school I was into chess club, Latin club, D&D, computer camp - everything that made vaginas go away.

Worry is a misuse of your imagination.

Rats are just Ziploc bags full of disease.

Be offended by everything or be offended by nothing.

Never go online to self-diagnose. Ever. Don’t fucking do it.