Quotes & Jokes by David Alan Grier / page 2

When I was a kid, I wanted to walk with my dad's limp - my dad was my hero - but that infuriated him, and he would make me walk back and forth in the living room until I walked without it.

Some days I think I look kind of cute, but other days I try to avoid the mirror.

Every little kid has always wanted to be a race car driver. This gets some of that out.

I decided sitcoms weren't for me.

The president is always made fun of.

As I get older, my sense of humour is my biggest asset.

Don't let anyone try to tell you who you are. Define yourself.

I grew up in a home and in a world in which you can do anything. We were all expected to go to college. My father was a doctor.

I want to see gay couples stuck with their significant other at Home Depot with that far away look in their eye, get me out of here.

A friend of mine had his own theatre company, and he jumped me in like I was in a gang. And once I came in, it was just that simple. For the first time in my life, I felt, 'This is a career, this is a life that I think I can grow old doing.' It was love at first sight. I loved being on stage and reading these plays. It was great.

I started acting at the University of Michigan in my sophomore year.

I never wanted to lose out on an acting job and wonder if I hadn't been trained enough.

In 1999, if you come down with a case of Gonorrhea, be happy. You should be thankful. That is a blessing from God. These days, that don’t mean a damn thing. Cause they got some diseases out there. I’m not talking about HIV, they got some Ebola of Nuts. You might not even make it to your car.

I couldn’t get a date the entire freshman year of college. The whole year I spend… well, they call it stalking now. But I call it getting to know you.

Ladies, you got to look for a man like you look for a job. Do you research. Run a credit check on ‘em. Meet his baby’s mamas. You don’t just drive him to the methadone clinic. Go inside! Meet the people!