Quotes & Jokes by Denis Leary / page 5
I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.
Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup! That's all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup - that's it!
No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about.
There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife? Bullshit! You covet his wife, his house, his car, and his pool. You know why? Because he's coveting every inch of your shit, pal!
What's the problem with just smoking a joint, eating a couple of twinkies, and going to sleep, was that a problem?
Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse.
I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?
I think Billy Martin said it best when he said "hey" <br /> [takes a drink of beer] "I can drive"
Sorry folks, I'm a little hyped up, I was smoking a big, fat bag of crack right before the show, ahhh!
Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York!
I just think it's difficult for them to see the forest for the trees right now, which I can't blame them for, given the circumstances they found themselves in.
Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.