Quotes & Jokes by Doug Benson / page 4
Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.
All marionettes are trying to say with this movie, is that if you don't see it, the sock puppets have won.
I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.
I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.
If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.
I'm sitting, waiting to get on the freeway, and I'm waiting my ass off. I look over at the side of the road, and there's a hitchhiker with a sign and it says, 'Pick me up, and you can drive in the carpool lane.' I got to tell you, he was kind of smelly, but he was a good conversationalist.
Just found out the hard way that the airbags in my car are quite effective.
I hate how all the hip hop bands of today will put crazy sound effects into their songs. You know what I mean, like a police or ambulance siren in a tune? Because I could own the CD, I could listen to it 50 gamillion times in my car - I still fall for it every time.
Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius… I've been using money.
Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno; come up with your own example, smart-ass.
I just broke up with my girl friend, i caught her lying....under another man.