A lot of these people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.
George Carlin: I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal...
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal, fucking is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell fucking?
Other quotes by George Carlin
Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
All music is the blues. All of it.
When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.