Quotes & Jokes by Bob Newhart / page 2

Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.

One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.

Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.

My theory is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I tried to capitalized on the values that made the show work. I have to be nice to my guests at the hotel, as I had to do with my patients, even when they're bugging me. And the home-life part seemed to work. I don't want ever to ride the show into the ground. It has been good to me.

I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today.

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It's simply the way it is.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

There's a lot of cynicism. Let's really enjoy Christmas, with all that's going on in the world.

I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least.

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.