Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 4
I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!
A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
I love music. Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.
When you're white, the sky's the limit. When you're black, the limit's the sky.
Doctors don't cure shit! They don't cure shit! The last disease doctors cured was polio, when's the last time you met someone with polio?
I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'
Women hate women. You get any two girlfriends in this room, been girlfriends for twenty five years, you put a man in between them … "fuck that bitch," "fuck that bitch."
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Women don't care, man. If the beat's all right, she will dance all night! I've seen girls on the floor dancing to the nastiest shit ever made. It's like, "Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick! … I put a dick in the ear, a dick in the ear! … Fuck her in the eye, fuck her in the eye! … Blind the bitch, blind the bitch!"
Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"