Quotes & Jokes by Denis Leary / page 4
...and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it, you know why? Because we've got the bombs! That's why, yeah! Two words: nuclear fuckin' weapons! Ok?!
Remember that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit!"
Cranberry Ale! Cranberry NUT CRUNCH FUCKING ALE! Cranberries and beer do not go together! One's for bladder infections, one's for getting DRUNK!
It doesn't matter how big the warnings on the cigarettes are; you could have a black pack, with a skull and crossbones on the front, called tumors, and smokers would be around the block going, "I can't wait to get my hands on these fucking things! I bet ya get a tumor as soon as you light up!"
The people you would have overdose on drugs never would. Like Motley Crue would never fucking overdose, man, never. You could put them in a room with two tons of crack, they'd come out half an hour later, going "Rock on man!"
We live in a country where Rosa Parks had the courage and conviction to sit down long enough to start a revolution that lead to Al Sharpton screaming racism every time Barry Bonds gets indicted for taking performance enhancing drugs in order to break a home run record set by a black man who didn't even have the benefit of Advil.
I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?
Why hate someone for the colour of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.
I'm gonna open up my own place. Open my own restaurant and get away from you people. I'm gonna open up a restaurant with two smoking sections; Ultra and Regular, OK! And we're not gonna have any tables or any chairs or any napkins. None of that pussy shit.
This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up and asbestos shooting into the sky.
Kathy Bates is sexy. It's partly because of her talent, but she's got a great face, and a great laugh.
I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get his brains blown out all over. How could we change the channel after that?
Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer.