Quotes & Jokes by Dennis Miller / page 10

152 quotes

They say life begins at 50. Yeah, if you're the fuckin' Highlander.

And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking..."yeah, that's coming down."

Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets...

Listen, I would call the French scum bags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.

There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free.

I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more than a palm pilot I was the palm Chuck Jager. Tom Wolfe wrote a book about me called "The Right Hand Stuff". I was the only guy in my class hip enough to move to the European grip.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

He admitted this was stupid. It's a very serious offence. I wouldn't consider it a prank. ... It could have turned into something that caused far more injury, and even death, than it did.

I lapsed into rude.

[America is] simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra.

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”

A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, "Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot."

You have to just marvel at the stun-gun absurdity of fighting to the death over what happens after you die.