Quotes & Jokes by Donnell Rawlings / page 2

27 quotes

That’s why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, ‘Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,’ I tell them they don’t need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.

All my friends, all they do is drink and smoke - all they do, all day - but they're sensitive. Like after 9/11, they thought they was patriotic, you know. They telling me what their military strategy was gonna be the next day with a joint in they mouth. 'Yo son, we gonna knock them dudes out. That's my word, son.' I'm like, 'What dudes?' 'Them dudes from Assgan, son!'

The better alternative to fighting a guy, go have sex with his girlfriend. That's how you knock a dude out!

Barack's in office; it feels good to be black now. When O.J. was in court it did not feel good to be black. People like, 'Are you black?' I'm like, 'I'm Creole, get out of my face.'

Comedy's a tough job, man. I've got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, he's a porno star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, 'Ooh, you should do porno!' Same girl sat on my lap and was like, 'Ooh, you should tell jokes!'

When I started off in DC, you didn’t get viral first. You got funny first.

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!

Your fans make you. In entertainment, I don’t give a shit what you think you are, you are nothing without fans.

The only thing we've found since we've been in Iraq is $700 million. Remember that story? The two sergeants found $700 million in a cave. And I knew they was white boys soon as I heard they gave all that money back... If that was me, I would've reported it, but it would've been a different amount. I'm like, 'Yo yo yo, Captain! Yo, listen, we just found $48.92.'

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.