Quotes & Jokes by Ellen DeGeneres / page 13
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.
I've got a lot to say about television. There's a lot going on in television right now and I feel like a huge part of television.
The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.
No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.
If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move.
I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.
I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they're usually somebody's. You know, I'm not wearing Kmart.
We can sit and worry about what's going to happen to us two weeks from now. I'd rather focus on the amazing things happening right in front of us.
People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.
When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me.
When I was growing up, we had a petting zoo, and, well, we had two sections. We had a petting zoo, and then we had a heavy-petting zoo. For people who really liked the animals a lot.
If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!' I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'