Quotes & Jokes by Ellen DeGeneres / page 6
The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique.
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
We're putting a face on something that a lot of people don't understand, ... And we want to give people some information before they make up their minds and judge us.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So, rather than seeing if perfume irritates a bunny rabbit's eyes, they should throw it in Charles Manson's eyes and ask him if it hurts.
And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happen to you? It's not your fault. You've held your breath, you just wanna get out, and now you open the door and you have to explain, 'Oh! Listen, there's an odor in there and I didn't do it. It's bad.'
Then you have these people in the movie theaters that talk the whole time during the movie. You ever go with somebody like that to a movie but you don't realize until you get there that you're with somebody like that? Brand new movie. First day it's open. You're there together and the entire time they're sitting there: "Where's she going? Why'd he do that? Is he mad at her?" "I don't know, let's watch and find out together shall we?" You know who you are. You're denying it right now: "I do not do that. Why is she saying that?. What's she gonna say next?"
Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.
You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'm sick and tired of hearing about me.
I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me has taught me compassion.
I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.
Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neighbors believe in and different from what your parents believe in. Stay true to yourself. Have your own opinion. Don't worry about what people say about you or think about you. Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying.
Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.