Quotes & Jokes by Felipe Esparza / page 4

While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

We all have a best friend in here. Every man in here has a best friend. The only reason you hangout with him is because his life sucks more than yours.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

You know you're getting older when your haters now want to kill you.

I didn’t know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That’s what I learned. I didn’t know how to put a set together.

I used to work at UPS I got fired for unloading packages into my car.

I think I'm going to put baby powder all over my legs before this walk just to be safe.

Went to the beach and I bought ceviche and a boogie board from the same person.