Quotes & Jokes by Joey Adams
A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.
Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
Cut out those intimate little dinners for two - unless there's someone with you.
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.