Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 16

There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my payoff. I'm not interested in other people thinking differently. I don't care. I'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a fuck. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives".

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

I think the idea of fucking someone who just watched you perform is... it's just not me.

The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.

I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now.

I’ve always benefited from knowing machines well, because it’s freedom, it gives you freedom, I always knew that.

You can't direct without a good crew.

I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through.

I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that.

If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.

I love comedians. They're my community.

I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.

It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.

Oh, I love stand-up.