Quotes & Jokes by Patton Oswalt / page 2

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as pain-go-bye-bye juice?

But the one recurring motif in these [80s] videos that I wish would come back were the bands that could rock so hard, they could change the physical properties of things. They would blow holes through walls or they’d walk up to your crappy Geo and go - SCRIBBLY FLABBIDY DOO - and all of sudden it’s a sleek Lamborgini.