Quotes & Jokes by Russell Brand / page 2

I used to binge-eat and make myself throw up. I was a fat kid. Obviously I didn’t quite master the bulimia.

It's no coincidence that monogamy sounds so much like monotony.

If you're in a room with Britney Spears, you just want to say, "What did you shave your head for, love?"

If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?

To a heckler: I, sir, am heterosexual, and one day I will show you the statistics and make you weep.

Surfing is both an ideological and semantic sin against nature.

How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?

I don't like little chip and pin machines. I don't like that they tell you what to do. 'Hand me back to the merchant!' like a bossy toddler.

When you bump into your own mom at an orgy, it's hard not to get her to read into certain things.

People don’t realize that the future is just now, but later.