Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
Quote by Gabriel Iglesias:
Quotes by other comedians
I think about my girlfriend's abortion whenever I pass by a school. Or the playground where she had the abortion.
I can't stop some idiot from crashing into a building or blowing up a bus, I can only be your dad and give you a few pure truths. Number one, duct tape will save your life. Number two, Tupac is alive, but I need you to keep that on the DL because of Suge. And number three, don't be afraid of anything - except the television news because they're lying to you every night.
Was coming out of the store earlier, I just bought some Oreos and some Chips Ahoy. So I get outside, there's this guy like, 'Hey brother, it's my birthday today.' And that was the first time in my life, without any sarcasm, I could say, 'What? You want a cookie or something?' Because any other time you say that, you being mean, but I meant it from my heart. 'How many cookies you want, man? You want seven cookies? That's way too many cookies. You're being ridiculous right now. You can take, like, three or four cookies and get out of my face. Otherwise you're taking advantage of my generosity.'
There is a video out now on how to please men. Here's tip number 1: Just show up!
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.